


Sidelines

by akiiteru



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Platonic Ryuugazaki Rei/Tachibana Makoto, alternatively titled: Rei Ruins Everything, haruka cares more than he lets on, makoto is a lifesaver, why do i write so much angsty reigisa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-20 23:50:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4806869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akiiteru/pseuds/akiiteru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love didn’t have any real significance in Rei's life. It was something that other people felt, and other people talked about. He didn’t see the point of wasting all of his time on something that would just make him irrational and upset.</p>
<p>But then he started blushing when Nagisa grabbed his hand, and his life became a jumbled mess of quick heartbeats and flushed skin and words caught in his throat. </p>
<p>And he had no idea what to do about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sidelines

Rei never considered himself to be a romantic person.

Love didn’t have any real significance in his life. It was something that other people felt, and other people talked about. He didn’t see the point of wasting all of his time on something that would just make him irrational and upset. He saw his mother cry over it, and he saw his uncle drink to forget it. His cousin was hospitalized after a suicide attempt when her boyfriend of six years left her. In third grade, one of the girls in Rei’s class kissed him on the cheek on the playground and kicked him when all he did was stare back at her.

Rei watched the people around him fall in love and then fall out of it. Always an observer, never a participant. Perpetually an outsider looking in.

That is, until his second year of high school.

He wasn’t sure exactly when his heart started fluttering when Nagisa grabbed his hand. All he knew was that one day Nagisa was just a close friend (and a minor annoyance), and the next he made Rei blush and stutter and lose himself in his thoughts. It was _entirely_ ungraceful.

Rei dreaded the day when someone else found out. Whether it was Haruka, or Makoto, or heaven forbid _Nagisa himself_ , it would definitely change everything. For better or for worse.

Probably for worse.

Unfortunately, Rei wasn’t the best at keeping secrets. He was a _terrible_ liar, and when he was uncomfortable he had the tendency to laugh too much and too loudly. He was sure that his teammates had picked up on his habits at that point. _Especially_ Nagisa. The scatterbrained yet somehow extremely observant blond always knew when something was bothering Rei. And he knew how to make him confess what it was, too. When Rei was stressing about his grades, Nagisa knew. When Rei was upset over an argument with his father, Nagisa knew. It was terrifying to Rei how his best friend could read him so easily, as if all of his feelings were out on display and he had no way to hide them.

The rigid control over his life that Rei cherished so much was slowly slipping away because of an energetic, bubbly breaststroke swimmer with no boundaries and eyes the color of peach blossoms.

\- - - 

Rei pulled himself out of the pool, trying to even his breathing. Swim practice that day had been rough. With regionals steadily approaching, the stakes for the team were high and the pressure was on. Rei was struggling to keep up with his talented teammates already, and the additional hard work they were putting in just widened the gap further.

“Good job, everyone!” Makoto said, forcefully cheerful. It was easy to see through his happy exterior. The captain was just as stressed as everyone else on the team, despite how hard he tried to seem calm.

Kou seemed to notice. She offered some words of encouragement and rushed off, leaving the boys to close up the pool for the night.

Rei was glad that practice was over. His day had been a stressful one, with the pressure to perform well while swimming and Nagisa’s affectionate tendencies making him tense up. His friends seemed to have noticed that something was wrong but luckily hadn’t said anything just yet. Rei didn’t feel like explaining.

The four boys headed toward the showers, with Nagisa stuck like glue to Rei’s side and running his mouth a mile a minute about nothing in particular. Rei couldn’t muster the energy to respond to his prattling, but Nagisa didn’t expect him to say anything, anyway.

When they got to the showers, Nagisa detached himself from Rei’s side and began talking excitedly to Makoto about something related to the upcoming swimming competition. Makoto smiled and nodded, despite obviously not paying full attention. Rei didn’t blame him for being distracted. The captain must have had a lot on his mind, juggling school and swimming and worrying about his friends.

The sun was sinking steadily, splashing pink and orange across the sky overhead. 

Rei noticed Haruka staring at him, which was rather abnormal because Haruka never paid much attention to anything besides the pool when it was in the general vicinity. Rei tried to smile at him. From the way Haruka reacted, Rei knew it must have looked more like a grimace. The dark-haired boy looked concerned but didn’t say a thing.

They finished up their showers and headed to the locker room to change. Rei went to the corner and got into his school uniform as quickly as he could, not looking back to where the rest of his friends were until the four of them were fully-clothed.

He wasn’t usually so embarrassed to change clothes in front of his friends. Usually, it was just part of his day. He didn’t pay attention to the others, and they didn’t pay attention to him. But that day he inexplicably felt like a pervert.

“Mind if Haru and I head out now?” Makoto asked, not oblivious to Rei’s discomfort but too considerate to comment on it. “We’re supposed to take care of my brother and sister because it’s my parents’ anniversary, and they’re leaving for dinner in fifteen minutes.”

“Go ahead,” Rei replied, waving his hand dismissively. “Nagisa-kun and I can lock up.”

Makoto smiled brightly. “Thanks, Rei!”

“Thanks,” Haruka muttered, looking troubled, and followed Makoto out of the locker room.

Rei sat on one of the locker room benches and sighed loudly. Haruka was starting to figure him out. At some point he was going to have to explain everything, and that would be the beginning of the end. Once Haruka knew, Makoto would know, because they could practically read each other’s minds. And once Makoto knew, Nagisa would find out, because Makoto was far too nice to resist Nagisa’s begging. And when Nagisa found out, Rei would be officially screwed.

“Rei-chan? Are you okay?” 

The sound of Nagisa’s voice made Rei jump.

“I’m fine!” Rei replied, but his voice was about an octave higher than usual. He stood and pretended to be busy looking for something in his bag.

He cringed as Nagisa approached with a concerned look on his face.

“Are you sure?”

Rei nodded vigorously, not meeting Nagisa’s eyes. His heart was racing, and he could feel his face beginning to heat up as Nagisa scrutinized him.

“You don’t seem okay,” Nagisa observed. His head was cocked to the side, and his lips were pursed into a concerned pout.

“Nagisa-kun, I’m okay,” Rei insisted, taking a step back toward the lockers and dropping his bag. “I’m just tired.”

Rei’s hands were shaking. He crossed his arms in an attempt to stop the tremors, willing Nagisa to just _go away_ and stop quizzing him.

It was far too much to ask for Nagisa to leave him alone. He was usually the first to know whenever Rei had a problem, and wasn’t about to let anything slide. His bright, pink eyes searched Rei’s face for any sign of what was wrong, but Rei had set his lips in a firm, unamused line and was trying as hard as he could to look calm.

“You’re not gonna fix your problems if you keep them to yourself,” Nagisa stated. He leaned forward, decreasing the distance between the two boys to about half a foot. Rei could smell his strawberry shampoo.

“Nagisa-kun,” Rei snapped, turning his head away indignantly. “Stop it. I told you, I’m _fine_.”

Nagisa’s persistence usually made Rei give in. But he was so mortified that he kept his arms crossed stubbornly. The more Nagisa attempted to persuade him, the more he blushed and his hands shook and his heart clenched up in his chest like it was being squeezed.

He felt Nagisa grab his shoulder.

“But you’re not!” Nagisa snapped back. “It’s not gonna do you any good if you don’t tell me! I can help, Rei-chan!”

Rei was shaking violently. He was so terrified that Nagisa would hate him if he found out that he just shouted back, not able to look his friend in the eyes. “Stop meddling! Even if you did know, you can’t do anything for me, so just _back off_!”

He took another step back, bumping into the row of lockers behind him. The protruding handles pressed into his back painfully, but he stayed where he was.

Shock crossed Nagisa’s face, but it was replaced quickly by frustration. “Rei-chan, you’re being ridiculous, I-“

“ _Shut up_!”

Nagisa stopped mid-sentence and the room fell silent. Immediately, Rei knew he had made a mistake. Nagisa’s face twisted, his expression changing from irritation to complete dismay. The arm that had been gripping Rei’s shoulder fell limply to his side. He stared at Rei, eyes wide and mouth hanging open in shock.

Before Rei could do anything, Nagisa stormed out of the locker room, slamming the door as hard as he could behind him. 

“Nagisa!” Rei shouted after him, but it was half-hearted. Nagisa was long gone, and Rei couldn’t do a thing to bring him back.

In an effort to maintain his friendship, he’d completely ruined it.

Rei slid to his knees on the tile floor, bumping his head against one of the locker handles but not even feeling it. The only sound in the room was his breathing, becoming less steady as the seconds ticked by. Nagisa’s horrified face was burned into his vision, visible everywhere he looked and even when he closed his eyes.

Tears started running down his face, but he couldn’t muster the energy to remove his glasses. He just stayed on the cold, wet tile, water soaking through the knees of his slacks, tears dripping onto his lap.

**Author's Note:**

> talk to me! [akiiteru.tumblr.com](http://akiiteru.tumblr.com/)


End file.
